Content warning: torture, 2016-2018 politics
Spoiler warning: The Princess Bride
I'm tired.
It's not that I'm not sleeping—I mean, it's that too, but it's more than that. It's deeper than that.
The word "existential" comes to mind.
Let me put it another way. Do you remember the moment in The Princess Bride when Count Rugen explores "the science of pain" by strapping Westley to The Machine, an ingenious torture device which can literally suck life away? Here's a reminder, if you have forgotten:
I feel like I have spent the past two and a half years strapped in to The Machine. The 2016 election and the world it has built have sucked years of my life away, and I am left, lying on a metaphorical table, quivering and whimpering.
No matter what I do, no matter what rest or comfort I seek, I stay tired. In fact, I get more exhausted every. single. day.
And I think I know why.
My internet habits are pretty much the same as anyone's: I mostly spend my time online either working or getting sucked into social media. I get information and news mostly from memes—unsourced and shallow noise designed to create a reaction instead of informing or creating a conversation. I know better than that, but you'll still find me sharing memes just like the rest of the world. I engage on the most shallow level, learning just enough to regurgitate sound bites. With all of the boundless information the internet has to offer, that feels like a waste.
John Green said it well:
I suspect how I use the internet—and social media in particular—is like volunteering to be strapped to Count Rugen's Machine. I have trapped myself in an outrage cycle, and it's sucking the life out of me.
I can't control much of what is happening in the world around me, but I can control how I engage with it. So I'm going to do an experiment: I'm going to hop off of "The Machine" and see how it makes me feel.
For 28 days, starting January 1st, I'm going to change how I interact with the internet. I will quit using Facebook and Twitter. I'm going to be more conscious about how I stay informed by getting my news from a selection of reliable news sources, instead of memes and outraged posts. I will remind myself of what else the internet has to offer.
I also will invest some of the hours I would otherwise spend on Facebook and Twitter in who I am offline. I have other goals for the new year, like reading 52 books in 2019 and adding a path to my garden, that will need that time.
For the past several years, I have broken the year up into 28-day months and assigned each of the 13 resulting months a challenge. The inspiration behind this is the International Fixed Calendar combined with Gretchen Ruben's Happiness Project.
Twenty-eight days is a solid length for a challenge. It's long enough to make an impact, but it's short enough to not be miserable if you aren't happy. It's a great start if you want to make a habit, which is often the underlying goal behind my challenges.
YouTube, Reddit, Instagram, and Pinterest are all "social media" apps that I will continue to use during this challenge. They get to stay for one simple reason: I'm happy with how I use them. YouTube, Reddit, and Pinterest are all information sources for me—and nothing more. Instagram connects me with people I know, sure, but I have curated my feed carefully to avoid negativity. (Possum Instagram is so pure and wonderful, y'all.) I don't feel an obligation to use any of them as a way to connect or to inform.
There are corners to this experiment that must be explored. Disconnecting doesn't happen in a vacuum, and, well, I like to overthink things and write them down. But this isn't the post for that. You can expect that after this is over.
For now, I'm logging out and deleting apps. You can join me, if you like, but you certainly don't have to. Regardless, I encourage you to curl up with a cup of something warm and lovely. Pull a blanket around you and open a good book or turn on a comforting show. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment.
Stress can wait. The new year will, no doubt, be full of its problems, but it will also bring you moments of happiness and joy. Focus on those.
Have a happy new year.